Rants n Reviews

UrbanSwirl: Lifestyles of Color – Palin Quits – America Rejoices

She’s quitting, and yes the correct word to use is quitting, because either she; is about to be indicted for something, is about to fill her quiver full again, has a sex tape, had an affair, or is no longer able to maintain human form and has to return back to her home planet of Idiotica.

It will be great fun to watch the wingers spin this one. Afterall, according to the “pull youself up” right wing, quitting is for commies…and quitting while one is not under indictment or being drug away in handcuffs is sacrilegious. Hell, even ole’ soulmate Sanford isn’t quitting and he has more drama swirling around him than a daytime soap.

Nailed it!

Technorati Tags: Sarah Palin, quitter, right wing, wing nut, conservative, Republican, Alaska, governor, Troopergate, John McCain, Vice President

BREAKING: McCain Picks a Hottie Sorry George!

Speculation is that John McCain’s camp will out his choice for VP tomorrow in order to steal Barack Obama’s thunder. McCain’s camp isn’t that smart.

But they may be that lucky. They’ll only think to do something like that because everybody and their mother is talking about it.

Who will the Veep be? I don’t know who it will be, but I know who it won’t be. It won’t be Joe Lieberman, the Republican in Dem’s clothing. No, there will be no second chance at VP for Lieberman (the first time around turned out so damned well for his running mate).

It probably won’t be Bobby Jindal, either. He’s too ethnic for the Repubs, if you know what I mean (to spell it out: He’s not white). Plus, even though he’s Catholic, nobody will believe it. Especially Catholics.

Besides, he’s highly qualified, super-smart, and holds traditional conservative values (not to be confused with my conservative values). His youth counter-balances McCain’s Moses-like age, too.

All those things considered, he’s just too damned good to be VP for the Republicans. He’s 180 degrees apart from McCain on a lot of things.

I’m predicting he chooses George W. Bush as his VP. After all, it’s total nonsense, which is what John McCain is all about. On paper, Bush is a shoe-in. In his current job, he plays second fiddle to Dick Cheney, he’s about as dumb as Dan Quayle, and he’s been a miserable failure his entire life. All perfect qualifications for a vice president.

As you know now, McBain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate . Here are some highlights: She has kids, one with Down’s. She is a lifetime member of the NRA, and she is a former beauty contestant (no kidding).

UPDATE: There has been a terrible mistake! Joe Biden has been announced as Barack Obama’s choice for VP. WTF? Obama called me and told me he wanted me to be his running mate.

OH. Wait a minute. He wants me to be his running mate. Now I get it.
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Democratic presumptive presidential nominee Barack Obama will announce his choice for Vice President in the very near future. But I’ve got the scoop…

It’s me!

Yes, you read that right. Obama will choose me for his running mate because he “wants someone who will challenge his thinking.” I challenge everyone’s thinking. I am perfect for this.

First of all, I have impeccable credentials.

• I have no skeletons in my closet. 
• I don’t own so many homes that I don’t know how many. In fact, my networth might as well be zero compared to Obama and McSame.
• I haven’t written a book. Yet. Though I keep on threatening that I will. FULL DISCLOSURE: I am writing a book. More here. It’s totally unrelated to anything you’d read here.
• I’ve never cheated on my wife. Though, if it gets me a chance to be President, I’ll talk to my wife about it.
• I’ve never gone to Harvard law school.
• I have never served in the military nor have I ever claimed that I am a war hero. Nobody has bestowed me with the title of “war hero” either.
• I’ve never run for public office, though I was selected to attend Boys’ State when I was in high school, but I didn’t attend.
• I am a conservative, and all that that implies: Small, non-intrusive government that believes in fiscal responsibility and deference to state’s rights. I believe in the Constitution and everything that goes along with it, including the ability and necessity to change it when conditions warrant doing so. Build infrastructure, make the streets safe, collect as little taxes as possible to do so. See? I’m challenging Barack’s thinking already!

I’ll make a fine VP. I can attend parties, make small talk; in short, I’ll be way better than Dan Quayle (I know how to spell potato). I won’t be as good as Dick Cheney, if by “good” you mean “the most evil, vile human on the face of the planet.” I mean that in the best possible way. I certainly hope he cleans his cave before I show up. And by clean, I mean thoroughly sanitizes the place. God, yes GOD, only knows what he did in there, what with the virgin sacrifices, the masturbation, and the secret co-worship of the Devil and Allah.

Okay, I made that last part up. But Cheney’s that creepy.

Hell, that alone makes me better than Cheney. I am not creepy. Just a little weird. Some would say “kooky.” So I fit right in with Barack and his weird-ass ears.

I probably won’t be as good a Veep as Al Gore. As you know, he’s won the Nobel Prize and an Oscar, he’s on the board of Google, and he’s a self-avowed “greenie” (though he certainly doesn’t live like one).

But, alas, he couldn’t claim any of these accolades until after he left office and lost the 2000 elections 5-4 in the lowest-scoring Presidential election ever. Can you believe only 9 people voted? Crazy. I’ll get at least 10 people to vote for me — I have plans to clone my two boys, advance their ages to 21, and instill in them that by voting for me, they’re really voting for ice cream on demand. Which would just be a continuation of status quo.

As you can see, I will be an exemplary VP. Thanks, Obama, for choosing me. I will not let you down.

I’m pretty fed up with Veep Cheney. First, he ruins California with the energy crisis, now he sleeps while decisions are being made about California’s fate in the wild fires burning here and that have displaced over 1 million people.

I’m starting to think Cheney’s got something against California.

Cheney’s apparent battery run-down can be seen in the video below about half way in.