Santorum Proposes Replacing Church, State with New Entity Called ‘Sturch’

Would Offer Salvation, Motor Vehicle Renewals on Sunday

LANSING (The Borowitz Report) – Telling a crowd of supporters that the separation of church and state “makes me want to throw up,” GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum today proposed replacing church and state with a new entity he called “sturch.”

Rick Santorum on the separation of church and state“Merging church and state into sturch will benefit all Americans,” he said. “Except maybe Jews.”

Mr. Santorum said that the combined entity would offer greater convenience to the American people than the separation of church and state currently does, since Americans would be able to get salvation and motor vehicle renewals at the same place every Sunday.

Turning to another campaign theme, Mr. Santorum told the crowd, “I support the rights of the unborn child until it is born and wants an education.”

He contrasted himself with President Obama on the education issue, stating, “Barack Obama speaks in complete sentences. What a snob.”

In other campaign news, singer Kid Rock endorsed Mitt Romney, which means that his music is no longer the worst thing about Kid Rock.

An upbeat Mr. Romney visited the Daytona 500, where he told a reporter, “I love this stuff. I’ve always been a big NASDAQ fan.”

Santorum Proposes Replacing Church, State with New Entity Called ‘Sturch’ « Borowitz Report
Technorati Tags: , , , ,
 

RSS Google News

  • Ex-Wife of White House Intruder Omar Gonzalez Says He Needs Help - NBCNews.com
    NBCNews.comEx-Wife of White House Intruder Omar Gonzalez Says He Needs HelpNBCNews.comThe ex-wife of the man accused of scaling a security fence and charging the White House with knife says that he suffers from mental illness as a result of a "terrible" incident during a tour of duty in Iraq and needs treatment, not jail. "I wish there was som
  • Obama hits at companies moving overseas to avoid taxes - Washington Post
    CNNMoneyObama hits at companies moving overseas to avoid taxesWashington PostThe Obama administration took action Monday to discourage corporations from moving their headquarters abroad to avoid U.S. taxes, announcing new rules designed to make such transactions significantly less profitable. The rules, which take effect ...Treasury cracks down on corporate
  • Focus on UVa employee in student's disappearance - MiamiHerald.com
    SFGateFocus on UVa employee in student's disappearanceMiamiHerald.comOfficials investigating the disappearance of a University of Virginia student focused Monday on the man they believe was the last person seen with her, searching his apartment for a second time and trying to locate the campus employee to arrest him on ...Police issue wanted poster for