News Features
Gay Tiger Attacks Santorum
Animal 'Taunted' by Bestiality Remarks
LAS VEGAS (The Borowitz Report) – After making remarks in which he equated homosexuality with bestiality, former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum was attacked at a Las Vegas hotel’s jungle habitat by a gay tiger.
Mr. Santorum had scheduled a campaign stop at the hotel and casino where he made his remarks about homosexuality and bestiality, not realizing that he was standing within earshot of a white tiger with a homosexual lifestyle.
According to onlooker Tracy Klujian, 27, “The way that tiger started growling during the speech, you could tell that it felt like it was being taunted and whatnot.”
As Mr. Santorum’s remarks about homosexuality and bestiality reached their crescendo, the irate tiger leaped over an eighteen-foot barrier and began mauling the presidential candidate, ripping his sweater vest to shreds.
Within minutes, police responding to a 911 call rushed to the scene, where they fired tranquilizer darts at both the tiger and Mr. Santorum, who had continued to make his inflammatory remarks throughout the mauling.
According to one aide, the unfortunate tiger attack incident had done nothing to change Mr. Santorum’s position on gay marriage: “Not only that, but now he’s opposed to tigers marrying other tigers.”
Gay Tiger Attacks Santorum « Borowitz Report
Technorati Tags: Gay Tiger Attacks Santorum, Rick Santorum, GOP, Republican, gay marriage
Top Stories
- Topsy-turvy GOP race enters 'lull week'It's "lull week" in the Republican presidential campaign, an 11-day stretch with no primaries or caucuses and no debates, but lots of questions about who will eventually win the nomination to face President Barack Obama in November. […]
- Activist: Syria using human shieldsSyrian government forces are using detained civilians as human shields, placing them on tanks in the besieged city of Homs, an opposition activist said. […]
- Questions linger about RomneyMitt Romney's victories in Maine and in a conservative straw poll were badly needed bright spots for a campaign with a frail relationship with conservatives. […]
- Fires, clashes erupt as Greek austerity vote nearsPolice turn tear gas and stun grenades on protesters outside Greece's parliament as lawmakers debate another round of austerity measures. […]
- Powell boys recalled as smart, lovingHundreds packed a Tacoma, Washington, church on Saturday to remember the lives of young Braden and Charlie Powell, who police say were killed six days earlier by their father Josh Powell in a double murder-suicide. […]
Google News
- Grammys tonight to honor Houston - USA TODAYUSA TODAYGrammys tonight to honor HoustonUSA TODAYLess than a day after Whitney Houston's death, her 18-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Hospital on Sunday afternoon, CBS reported. By Kevork Djansezian, Getty Images file Whitney Houston and Clive Davis speak onstage ...Whitney Houston's daughter rushed to hospital […]
- Riots spread across Athens, at least 7 buildings set ablaze before key Greek ... - Washington PostCTV.caRiots spread across Athens, at least 7 buildings set ablaze before key Greek ...Washington PostATHENS, Greece — Rioting spread across central Athens and at least seven buildings went up in flames amid mass protests late Sunday, as lawmakers debated harsh cutbacks demanded to keep the country solvent and within the eurozone.Venizelos Battles in Greek Pa […]
- Santorum plans aggressive strategy against Romney in Michigan as GOP race ... - Washington PostUSA TODAYSantorum plans aggressive strategy against Romney in Michigan as GOP race ...Washington PostPORTLAND, Maine — A day after Mitt Romney regained some momentum in the Republican presidential contest, his rival Rick Santorum went on the attack, calling the front-runner “desperate” while promising to compete aggressively to win the state where ...More qu […]
